he wants to bone in the snuggie
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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