i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
