yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
