i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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