Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
