ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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