i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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