U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
