apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
