Tell her she can't have a vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
