The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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