How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
porn star boner night. come get it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
