dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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