the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
