Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you never un-have a 4some
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
