I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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