I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
