I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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