i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
