Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
