I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
