the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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