Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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