I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
