Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
