please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
