just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
