I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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