I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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