wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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