We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
