youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
