Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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