If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
