FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
