u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
