i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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