I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
