Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize