last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
