omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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