What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
