She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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