Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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