problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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