sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
