Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
