No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
