My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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