Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
