you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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