Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
