I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
