I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
