Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
