even my farts smell like vagina
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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