i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
