I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
