How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
