Is it because I queefed?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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