I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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