did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
