Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
