Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
