why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
