Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
