Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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