um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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