On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
