Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
