As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
