you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
