I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
