I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My cat gives me a boner
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
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its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize