I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize